Deep Space and Dragons
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Deep Space and Dragons
Episode 91 Shark Tales Jaws eats Karl, Richard laughs.
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Ever thought about turning a pile of discarded Magic: The Gathering cards into a brand-new game? Join us on a whimsical adventure where (K)Carl reveals his quirky journey of creating a rock-paper-scissors-style card game, complete with AI mishaps and paper cutter woes. Richard and —arl share laughs over bizarre Magic card finds and how Carl’s fiancée's non-gamer perspective adds unique challenges to playtesting. Expect humor, chaos, and insights as we navigate the unexpected hurdles of game designing.
What happens when an office becomes a film studio? Richard recounts a hilarious day of filming where a green blanket doubles as a green screen, and improvisation reigns supreme. With a coworker moonlighting as a director and an impromptu yoga session led by the boss, the chaos provides comedic relief and a break from the ordinary. Amidst the laughter, there’s a sprinkling of social commentary as we compare baffling government projects, like million-dollar bike lanes, to our own spontaneous creative endeavors.
Explore the zany world of shark movies with us as we ponder why serious shark films are as rare as a calm sea. From Sharknado to the grandeur of Jaws, we chat about the absurd and the awe-inspiring, while also throwing in some fun pet shark naming ideas. As we wrap up, expect a tidal wave of water puns and a heartfelt nod to shark conservation, leaving listeners with a refreshing reminder of the importance of self-care and the need to protect these misunderstood ocean dwellers.
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Hello Welcome to Richard and Carl Present Deep Space and Dragons and Sharks. I'm Richard.
Speaker 2:And I am Carl, I'm not a shark.
Speaker 1:If we get copyright struck because your ringtone played and it picked it up as part of our intro, that'd be the funniest thing in the world, so we're leaving it there. It triggered your theme music. It's like I'm Carl and it was like if that was Inspector Gadget instead, it would have been flawless. So before I go into the minutia of theme songs, what's new in the Carlverse?
Speaker 2:What's new in the Carlverse? Well, I don't remember if I said this on stream or if I said the post stream, or priest, or anyways. Point of the matter is, um, you and I had uh done some work on creating a sort of uh rock paper scissors card game.
Speaker 1:I think we have two episodes on that for anyone who keeps track of our show, which is not us.
Speaker 2:We do not, but so I've been buying a lot of Magic cards lately and when you open the packs you get like literal garbage cards. So I think our viewers absolutely know.
Speaker 1:Oh, there was a quip I was going to make when Magic inevitably came up in this episode and I need to say it oh, Magic the Gathering, now featuring 50% less Magic the Gathering. So true, Literally that's their actual market plan.
Speaker 2:You get the literal garbage cards. Um, I I've collected enough that I can sleeve 200 uh cards and they're all garbage cards, which means that they won't be able to use for anything else.
Speaker 1:Uh, and so small there's like 200 cards in a random shoe box that we use as an ottoman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but those aren't technically garbage cards. I thought you rolled the cards that tell you what you can do on your turn or give you cool little mini-game shoes.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought you meant garbage cards, like look at me, I'm a 3-3 ape for four. No, no, you mean literal garbage. Yeah, Like kills our planet and lenders microplastics in exchange for knowing how a saga works. Okay, got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I happen to have, well I, I I'm not sure if I actually have 200 or not yet, because I only needed 92 action cards and 40 field cards. And then I just made my little template in Inkscape, because it's excellent free software.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, not a sponsor, just a fan, as someone who has to use the Adobe Cloud for work. Also. Not a sponsor, less of a fan.
Speaker 2:But so I may have used some AI as placeholders for my icons, but it's not for any commercial purpose, so it doesn't really matter. I laid out my cards and then I printed them off and I cut them with my paper cutter, which doesn't cut straight. It makes me a little sad.
Speaker 1:Is there a joke here, somewhere, somewhere? I'll figure it out later well, no, it's just literally like I lined it up perfectly and it's like no, that's just not straight so we had a paper cutter back when I was in tutoring at redacted, doing redacted, and it's like it would give up about the fifth piece of paper down and we were cutting out these like skew our coast to scan and I understand. I understand the frustration that we have the technology to use plastic filament to print a working Rubik's Cube but we can't cut paper.
Speaker 2:Well, a little side tangent. It is a I think it was like a $15 paper cutter, so I'm kind of surprised it has a metal blade at all.
Speaker 1:I mean counter-counterpoint that technology was available in the Stone Age. Well, technically, the Iron Age, if we want to be pedantic.
Speaker 2:But the point of the matter is that I cut out all these cards and I made my fiancé help me sleeve them up, and then we tried it out.
Speaker 1:That's quite a plot, that's only with two players yeah, yeah yeah, you still have a fiancee after that. That's quite a plot twist. Oh she, she beat me correct.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're good again I mean, she wasn't particularly helpful in terms of game testing because she didn't really give me any specific elements that she liked or disliked, and most of her comments were more so about the graphic design of the cards than the actual gameplay.
Speaker 1:Well, what's interesting is, as a writer, I'm no stranger to getting good reviews. I get a lot of good reviews and I also got that this book has made me stop reading fiction. So you know, not all feedback necessarily needs to be worked into a dev cycle.
Speaker 2:Although ironically.
Speaker 1:I then got published for nonfiction, so maybe there's something to it.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean basically, I think I want to playtest it with more people, but it's like I printed a bunch of draw three cards type draw card Draw cards. I guess is what I'm going to say A lot of greed and I realized it's much more efficient just to have each player draw up to seven at the end of their turn. Okay, and then it actually maintains a quick paced game. I don't know. It definitely needs some tweaking and I want to play test with more experienced gamers.
Speaker 2:There you go did it for you yeah, yeah, I mean, like I said, I love playing games with my fiancé, but she's not very it's difficult to get useful feedback for game design.
Speaker 1:On the plot side, the version of reality, where your fiancé goes through every episode of Deep Space and Dragons. Either they truly, truly love you or it's just not happening.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's definitely not happening.
Speaker 1:She has no idea what you and I talk about I mean, anyone who's met us can probably assume it's pretty straightforward. It's not like we're going in here talking about string theory. Well maybe, but we're not right about it uh.
Speaker 2:But then the other thing that's new with me uh, and somewhat related, but not really uh is one of the magic packs that I cracked actually had a $90 card in it. So I need a pause.
Speaker 1:I want to tell you what I thought the story was going with the information you gave me. I thought, you were about to say, you cracked a pack that had a card in it with a QR code for an Audible subscription, which you used to purchase Jaws.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, jaws, I haven't rented from the public library on the Libby app.
Speaker 1:Hashtag libraries.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hashtag libraries, saskatoon is getting a new one instead of plowing our residential streets.
Speaker 1:Good, no, I'm on Team Library. You see, the thing about Saskatchewan is and this is a comedy show for all our listeners out there I don't really care if people die, but they do need to be better read, that's just the fact, that is the correct place for the money to go. Where it shouldn't go is adding in and then removing bike lanes, but that's a story for another day.
Speaker 2:Uh, I'm conflicted about the whole library thing, but I I find myself conflicted about most things, so it's not nothing new libraries are sick.
Speaker 1:Find something else to be conflicted about be like uh it's, I understand that they bought a library, but also they should all take a 30% pay cut to plow the streets.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, it would be nice if they took a pay cut to make the budget balance instead of raising taxes and not plowing streets. But anyways, that's not really the point. The point is that I pulled a $90 card out of of a pack and then I begrudgingly uh, traded it into collector's lane for store credit I know collector's lane not a sponsor I just the dude is kind of a like a. He doesn't really actually seem to care about his customers.
Speaker 1:You see, what's funny about that is I know one of our audience members has a direct connection to Collectors Lane, so for that one viewer he just feels so happy right now, just him specifically, and I love that for him. He's like I was not thinking I'd listen to a podcast today and hear people talk smack about the collector's lane guy vindicated anyways, um, I mean, besides that, what's new with me is it's actually kind of ongoing.
Speaker 2:I'm 75 done reading jaws, um, but that's that's uh, unless you don't feel like discussing anything.
Speaker 1:That's new in the richard verse well, I mean, I do have interesting things in the richard verse, but fine well, no, I'm I'm interested in the richard verse.
Speaker 1:That's a pretty good day yeah, but that's a pretty passive, aggressive like well, if you don't want to tell me about your day, we can get into the fun topic. I'm like, wow, like. So today I starred in a film and it was an experience. So the first thing happens is we book a room and just hang up a green screen on the wall that I'm pretty sure is just a green blanket and clothes pins. So step one is just standing on chairs and assembling the screen screen in this random office room. So it's not like a a studio Picture, the most businessexe meeting room, and we just decide we're using this to shoot this video. After clipping this green screen on, they set up a tripod. So when you set up a tripod, what do you think comes next?
Speaker 2:Setting up the camera.
Speaker 1:Nope, putting a cell phone in the tripod. Why?
Speaker 2:would you use a?
Speaker 1:camera. When cell phones exist, why would I expect?
Speaker 2:a tripod.
Speaker 1:So my brain's just like huh. I really thought Redacted Institute's Redacted program with its cutting-edge Redacted would use more than a cell phone. But I'll say cell phones kind of have comically good cameras in them now. So the newest iPhone probably in fact is better than most people's actual cameras if the camera's a couple years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fair. The image processing is kind of insane.
Speaker 1:So they set up this camera, they set up this cool like USB-C to wireless lapel mic on me and, as I begin reading the thing, one of my coworkers who, for the record, his field is not media- at all, but this man and I have talked in extreme length about every Marvel movie, to the point of watching Daredevil during a shift.
Speaker 1:If that's what gets me fired, so be it. So he decides that this is his director moment. We don't have a teleprompter or anything of that nature, and we don't want to have me looking at a script. So he's holding a laptop above his head, standing behind the camera, with the script on it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And then, between cuts, he's giving director feedback. So the first piece of feedback he gives me is like no, no, don't be Richard the person. Be Richard the person. Be Richard the actor. Emote accentuate your emotions. And the two actual, like people who know what they're doing. Look at, I'm like what are you talking about? Why are you even here? Which is true, by the way. He wasn't actually supposed to be there, but he decided this is director moment and I wasn't going to stop him.
Speaker 1:So we do our first cut and then he's like no, you need the energy you had when you ranted to me earlier about the bike lanes. Channel that rage. I'm like we're talking about creating done lists. Channel the rage, Richard.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So I do. I give my passion speech about how to-do lists are bullshit and it's all about the done list, where you celebrate what you achieved instead of setting yourself up for disappointment. And he's like all right, what are you even doing with your hands? And you'd be accentuating point at them. You can make a difference. And then at one point the entire film crews on the ground laughing Cause he's just super seriously tried to direct this two minute long educational spotlight on done lists. And this is his opus magnus and we're recording it one line at a time because of like, we record like a few lines at a time.
Speaker 1:so in editing they can edit because doing it a one take is actually less good than if you have three takes for each line, kind of thing or more like this is just how the film students have decided. They're doing it, and I believe them.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Plus, our teleprompter, being a laptop, means it can really only show me a paragraph at a time, because he didn't have the coordination to hold it above his head and scroll through it. So the line of sight was correct, and then the phone blocked out a chunk of the script, so I just had, like, most of the words and had to like calculate the missing chunk of words for the script that I had almost had memorized at this point, but I was weirdly nervous because I was being filmed see our podcast is gonna go shocking to people isn't scripted.
Speaker 1:If it was scripted, this would be much harder, and if it was scripted and I wasn't allowed to look at the script, it would be much, much harder that is true so we managed to record this video with everyone pretty much being winded, and then one of my co-workers was like hey, are you coming to staff yoga?
Speaker 1:I'm like what do you mean, staff yoga? So it turns out my boss is a yoga instructor and then all four of us that worked then went and did a yoga class and something about the having the like 90 transition rate from co-workers to then doing a yoga class was kind of majestic, out of concept and like I've had a bit of a sore back lately for being a lazy slob, so it seemed like a good idea to use my human form for a while before I ascend to potato or master hand status.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that was my day today specifically was mostly recording this video which was just so delightful.
Speaker 1:We also did like an outreach event where, like I warmed up talking to people, which is why this video be like richard emotion channel it. I'm like I've never had someone ever tell me that I need to put more into something okay.
Speaker 2:So now just out of curiosity, this uh bike lane rant was that saskatoon related or toronto related?
Speaker 1:ah man, I'm gonna go into toronto politics, but it's only fair we go into saskatchewan politics a lot. So our acting premier, douglas forteskill, or whatever the hell his name is, or dougie, or real life homer simpson, whatever you want to do, not a fan of this man, not a sponsor of my show had this idea, so a while back, don't call him Dougie, that's like the name of a famous homeless guy, meh.
Speaker 2:He was famous in Saskatoon anyways.
Speaker 1:TLDR In downtown Toronto, they set up what were effectively like safety spikes in the bike lanes. So there is dedicated bike lanes for bikes to go through, because each person on a bike is one less car. Setting up these bike lanes cost the city, I don't know probably $111 million, the exact amount certain institutions could use to fix their financial troubles, which is why I like looping back to this, ranting about it. So he decides that these bike lanes Aren't working because traffic's too congested. So he's paying another.
Speaker 2:I really, I really, I really I can say, to say 111.
Speaker 1:Sorry, you cut out like you went so passionate that it seems like there's a legacy. Would you please re-ask the question, sir? Sorry, you cut out Like you went so passionate that it seems like there's a legacy.
Speaker 2:Would you please re-ask the question, sir. It wasn't a question and it wasn't like. Anyway, 11 to 1 is a much better way to say 111. Thank you.
Speaker 1:It's funny because there's like a lag spike with this. I'm like, oh no, no, he's saying like he's, he's speaking in tongues, he's being overcome. 11 t1. 11 t1 was what the delivery was. This joke. I really hope someone laughs because I'm like, wow, we just fought, like I desperately is panicking.
Speaker 1:Our internet connection died for 11 t1 but yes so 11 $111 million was set putting in these bike lanes and now he's spending another $111 million to pull them back out again to try and fix the traffic that they're set up to fix. So it's like they literally made a massive project, didn't like it and then they're paying to get rid of the massive project. And I'm not even arguing whether bike lanes are good they are, or that traffic is bad downtown it is. It's the idea that someone would implement a fix that costs a bunch of money and then spend a bunch of money to just control Z the fix, instead of having a third solution of some sort, especially when redacted. Educational institutions could very much use some government support right now as most colleges did.
Speaker 2:What Redacted?
Speaker 1:had to do and just gut the programs. So that's a rant for another day because conflict of interest. So TLDR, I hate the bike lane thing so much. It's kind of like when Redacted Fortikens decided that we need to sell alcohol at a corner stores and gas stations and what have you? Sure, the LCBO liquor board might have had a monopoly.
Speaker 1:Whatever you can argue the pros and the cons, what you can't argue is this cost them hundreds of millions of dollars in subsidies he gave out to the liquor store so they wouldn't go bankrupt from the other stores selling liquor now. So this program to sell alcohol costs millions of dollars. The idea to give a license for stores to sell alcohol somehow cost us tax money, which was supposed to make us tax money. That was the point.
Speaker 2:Right Bizarre.
Speaker 1:But I did buy wine with a bear with an eye patch on it from the gas station and used that to make a pork roast the other day. So, last new thing with me. So I've never been the biggest fan of wine, but I don't know what's happened either. It's because I hit the right age. I burned the roof of my mouth the exact correct number of times, but when I was at a wedding recently, I realized that I now enjoy wine, which means I either took brain damage, tongue damage or mouth damage.
Speaker 1:So the red wine that I didn't use for marinating this delicious pork roast I then drank with the bear on it and I know no one will tell me it's good wine. But I just have this suspicion, this feeling from life I've lived so far that the higher fanciness rating something has, traditionally the less delicious it is, and I just feel like the cheaper garbage or wine is probably actually better In my experience eating food.
Speaker 2:You're probably right.
Speaker 1:It's like I want the wine that tastes like I can't handle wine. I can see that, but maybe you haven't burned your mouth exactly the right way yet, because this was like a magical transformation. I don't know when or how it happened, because it's not like I've had a wine drinking budget. Maybe it's when I got published as an author. I just became more tolerant to alcohol.
Speaker 2:I feel like I would need a whole new mouth, because, no matter how good the wine tastes on the front, there's an aftertaste. That's a part of the fermentation process. I just no, I can't do it. It also ruins fondue.
Speaker 1:We did have this discussion, so let's pivot to sharks, just abruptly out of nowhere. So what are your top three favorite sharks?
Speaker 2:Out of nowhere my top three favorite sharks. Well, I mean the street sharks are pretty ballin'.
Speaker 1:I'm going to count that as one because that feels good.
Speaker 2:The animatronic shark from Sharknado is number two From Sharknado and there's this.
Speaker 1:No, sorry from Jaws I don't know why I said Sharknado.
Speaker 2:I was thinking Sharknado. For some reason, can you?
Speaker 1:imagine if Sharknado dropped animatronic sharks from the sky on people. Oh man, that would be sick.
Speaker 2:But my number three, favorite shark. A Dollarama has these little tubes of candy and then on the top there's a little shark mouth and you push the button and it lunges and bites stuff. I was a little bit sad I couldn't find any of those this year for stocking stuffers. They usually come out around Halloween, so I guess I just so.
Speaker 1:According to the internet, the shark from Jaws was named Bruce.
Speaker 2:Those are good sharks, huh, so Top three favorite sharks? I don't. I'm mostly kidding about that, but I mean like You're not sure that you are, and that's fine. When I'm on the spot, I can't really.
Speaker 1:Well, we can continue along and then see if more sharks are coming. When I'm on the spot.
Speaker 2:It's like oh, how many sharks have I actually seen? Can you name at least three different sharks?
Speaker 1:So I'm going to start with King Shark from the Harley Quinn adaptation of the DC Universe, specifically the one who is a hacker. Then I'm gonna pivot to Okay, uh, I can do this, I believe in me. I wanna say just the land shark, which was the recurring SNL gag, but also there's Marvel's trying to push this baby shark character, who's very adorable, adorable, whose name I'm losing right now Jeff the Baby Land Shark.
Speaker 2:Now I gotta look this up. I haven't heard nothing about this. Jeff the Baby Land Shark.
Speaker 1:Jeff the Land Shark, also known as Jeffrey, is a character and he's been like showing up in like new Marvel. Jeff the Landshark, also known as Jeffrey, is a character. Huh, and he's been showing up in new Marvel games and things. Because, besides that, that's just the character they're going to push and I can get on board and I'm going to say Kasame from Bleach is my third shark.
Speaker 2:Okay, I didn't think about Kasami. Kasami is a way better shark than the.
Speaker 1:Dollarama Candy yeah, but less good than King Shark.
Speaker 2:Shafted Lion Shark is adorable.
Speaker 1:So I want you to know when I looked up famous anime sharks. Kasami showed up at the top of that list, above the humanoid shark from Toriko who his name was like shark for Shuku you know, I don't even remember that character and I did read Toriko from start to finish.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure there was a shark, but that's not the point the point is that the movie Jaws is based on a book.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:Also named Jaws.
Speaker 1:No way.
Speaker 2:This is just a little tangent. There's a movie called the Shawshank Redemption and I thought it was a really good movie. Apparently, it wasn't very well received when it came out.
Speaker 1:That is wild to me because that is like iconic movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, uh, but I didn't notice. But it's based on a Stephen King novel, uh, called Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, because Rita Hayworth is the actress.
Speaker 1:All movies, statistically, statistically speaking, are inspired by Stephen King book.
Speaker 2:That's just numbers nope, see, jaws is not by Stephen King. Jaws, I'm going to bring it up right now, is by Peter. Peter Benchley seems fishy well.
Speaker 1:I see, apparently he was like he really liked sharks. It was by Peter Benchley, seems fishy.
Speaker 2:Well, apparently he really liked sharks and then he wrote his book Jaws and it kind of did okay, and then they made the movie and then the book really took off and then a whole bunch of people went and started hunting sharks and he was all like that's not what I wanted to happen from my book. And so he spent the rest of his life doing like shark conservation.
Speaker 1:I do love that like.
Speaker 2:That's rather fantastic of him um, but so, uh, there there was quite a bit cut from the book, so I'm apparently 88% done, 88% done, which is 88% done, which is about how much is left of the average Jaws victim. That means I'm on page 552 out of 630.
Speaker 1:That's pretty close to the end I enjoy when I get to feel like a concise writer because I'm like cool. I told three plot arcs. He fought one fish.
Speaker 2:Well, you see, there's a lot more going on in the book than there is in the movie, Because in the movie the mayor just kind of seems like a greedy jackass In the book.
Speaker 1:He's under threat from the Shark Yakuza.
Speaker 2:He borrowed money from the mafia and so you just cut out on.
Speaker 1:He borrowed money from the mafia.
Speaker 2:And they're like oh no, you don't need to pay us back.
Speaker 1:But they're just like, hey, just like, buy my back in, am I going?
Speaker 2:yeah, we're good we're good, the mafia released. You am I blurbing.
Speaker 1:I think you're good. I think you're ready to go.
Speaker 2:Please continue well, so that. So the uh, the mafia gets him to buy up a bunch of property in the town and then they're going to sell it when the market booms during the summer to make a profit. But then the shark shuts down the beaches. So they're trying to get him to reopen the beaches because otherwise their properties will go bust, which for them isn't a problem because they don't actually have any money in it, but for the mayor is a huge problem.
Speaker 1:See, that's kind of funny.
Speaker 2:I don't know where that's going to go yet.
Speaker 1:That feels pretty Batman villain or Scooby-Doo villain, depending on how much blood there is.
Speaker 2:Well, the mafia did snap the neck of the chief of police's cat to send a message to him to not stop the beaches from being open.
Speaker 1:I would kill the entire mafia for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So then he hires the crazy shark guy Quint and they go out and do their shark stuff on the boat. But meanwhile the marine biologist from the movie for whatever reason he is sleeping with the chief of police's wife.
Speaker 1:Sure, why not?
Speaker 2:And the chief of police is suspicious of what's going on there. But they're on the boat with this Quint fellow and the Quint's just kind of been laughing at them for their interpersonal drama and I'm like, oh man, is this gonna like end up with someone dying to the chief of police instead of to the shark? But it's like nope. When the marine biologist goes down into the, into the cage, uh, the shark kills him right down in there, busts his cage open and just and that was the single biggest surprise to me difference between the movie and the book, where it was like wait a second.
Speaker 2:In the movie the marine biologist survived and this one not so much okay, okay good, I was thinking that might be like a and this one not so much. Okay, good, I was thinking that might be a huge lag spike or something.
Speaker 1:No, I think we're good, but I do have to let you in on a piece of information, and I hope you're sitting.
Speaker 2:Okay, there's six Sharknado movies. I knew there were five and I think it's maybe the third one when they start doing weird time travel shenanigans.
Speaker 1:The final Sharknado movie is called the Last Sharknado. It's About Time, which is a time traveling movie about traveling back in time to prevent Sharknados.
Speaker 2:I knew there was time travel in at least one of them. The main character's son gets taken to the Sharknado and then comes back as an adult portrayed by Dolph Lundgren it's amazing.
Speaker 1:So let's go on to the topic of shark movies a little more esoterically here my first question to you is this After Jaws came out. The shark movie of person gets terrorized by shark and then killed with fire extinguisher. Allowing fire extinguishers to explode in every video game ever made sense. My question to you is do we ever need to make another shark movie? Where were you done?
Speaker 2:make another shark movie. Where were you done like? Um, well, I mean mecha shark. That series of movies is pretty, pretty fantastic. Can't go wrong with mech shark. Um, movies about megalodons, I mean, yeah, the megalodon.
Speaker 1:So the job was a very large shark but well, let's talk about the meg, the megalodon movie with, with Jason Statham in it, that tried to take itself completely seriously. So Megalodon being giant death shark is basically. We took Jaws and made it into a kaiju movie and I love me a good kaiju movie and I love me a bad kaiju movie. But the Meg was a bland kaiju movie which is completely unacceptable. Like Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, I can get behind Like a shark leaping to attack a plane. That's peak cinema.
Speaker 2:But Meg 2,.
Speaker 1:The Trench does not get to be peak cinema because it forgets to be dumb. But there's kind of like a spectrum for shark movies, A serious dumb spectrum, and I think the serious stopped. I think Jaws was the only serious shark movie that successfully existed.
Speaker 2:I believe the movie is called Deep Blue Sea. I think it has Samuel L Jackson. Let me look it up though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, deep Blue Sea, the sci-fi horror featuring genetically engineered sharks of super intelligence in an underwater lab, is not a serious movie, no matter how much it pretends it is, because this is a movie about genetically engineered sharks with heightened intelligence in an underwater lab. What makes it funny is that every character plays it completely seriously unaware that they're in a movie about genetically engineered sharks with heightened intelligence creating chaos in an underwater lab. They might as well have freaking laser beams on them you're right.
Speaker 2:There doesn't really seem to be that much more room for serious shark movies, because people aren't really scared of sharks anymore nor should they be.
Speaker 1:That was a. He dedicated his life's work after jaws explaining that they should not be so my question to you is would you ever, if you were challenged? We need to make a serious, serious shark movie. How would you do it? Serious shark movie how Cause it's easy to do a comedy Like I'd have that gun. That's a laser pointer that makes sharks come out of the water and eat people.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I do also like the sharks that can just swim in like ankle deep water.
Speaker 1:Yep. That's the very concept of a shark NATO is like they jumped the shark. The very concept of a Sharknado is like they jump the shark. Also, jumping the shark is just a hilarious trope to begin with.
Speaker 2:Hmm, but how would you make a serious shark movie?
Speaker 1:Like the Megalodon, tried to be a serious one, but no, a Megalodon's a stupid enemy. Because here's the thing about all shark movies the sharks have a very specific weakness that, when exploited, renders the concept of the movie defeated completely.
Speaker 2:You go on land. Well, I mean, that doesn't work for MechaShark.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but good luck making a serious MechaShark movie. I'd be so proud of you. That's why people are like Shin Godzilla is like an actual serious movie, won a bunch of awards. I'm like nah, I'll take Godzilla vs Kong any day. I'm sorry If you're using a shark as a metaphor for loneliness and despair, sure, I guess.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean. So the only answer would be to have the people in a situation where they can't get away from the shark, such as Deep Blue Sea, or they're in the underwater lab.
Speaker 1:I mean I'd probably try and do the classic horror trope of keeping the monsters not shown as often as possible. I'd probably do a Poseidon adventure thing where they're in an upside-down sinking ship and have to swim to sections and then people just explode in clouds of blood, sinking ship and have to swim to sections and then just people just explode in clouds of blood, like it's like I would never reveal it was a shark and that's what would make it horrifying.
Speaker 1:It's just dying horribly because your friend slipped, and then you just see an arm in blood Because, like, that's one way to do it. I mean, the other way to do it is like you have two sharks and they were in love for years and then they grew old together. But after his wife shark dies, the husband shark decides to go on one last adventure with a little kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I don't Okay. Okay, I mean, an animated movie Is not inherently unserious.
Speaker 1:I love how, like you don't even call me out on Up, but Sharks, you're like no, no, okay, let's play this for a bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, I mean, you know, like I was kind of thinking that Talking Sharks would ruin the bit, but if it's actually just a movie about sharks A la Watership Down.
Speaker 1:Oh damn, because my brain went Finding Nemo but it's like oh no, watership Down didn't give a fuck, like that should have the horror tag on it which is a statement you wouldn't think of. Yeah no, if you wrote a shark movie with the intentional classic Winnie the Pooh. Nightmare-esque 2D animation With the objective of traumatizing children.
Speaker 2:Oh, that'd be a good movie, though Sharkship Down, I don't know. No, I think you'd call it something like Blood and Fang? No, no, it has to be deceptively tranquil. It'd be something like blood and fang.
Speaker 1:no no, it has to be deceptively tranquil.
Speaker 2:It'd be something like abandon ship down nope, that doesn't that I don't know if that's deceptively tranquil, um, but we'll go with it, dark lagoon, so I don't think sharks live in lagoons true, but now that we're on the topic of sharks, just random shark, insert ideas.
Speaker 1:Because, like, the thing about shark movies is yeah, no, they're all basically either jaws or sharknado and they fall on the jaws or sharknado spectrum.
Speaker 2:That's kind of the only way it goes yeah, but I mean there's just fewer and fewer jaws shark movies, because they get less good each time?
Speaker 1:how?
Speaker 2:do you actually make it? Well, how do you make something new with a shark aside from going completely outside the box, like we just did with our watership down shark movie, or they did with which I hope?
Speaker 1:materializes. Oh yeah, like like this would be. If you can manifest that, that's so cursed, though that's the thing we manifest next, like it's amazing, but like we did this and it's a problem, because now we have to live with that what if it turns out to be a cinematic masterpiece? Oh yeah, that's fair. Maybe I should write it. I should just write like a kid's book about sharks. That's just stupid dark, just comically dark. But here's my shark question for you, since we can do random shark questions.
Speaker 1:What video game. Would you add a playable character as a regular shark to?
Speaker 2:What video game? Oh, Echo the Dolphin.
Speaker 1:That feels like See, I was kind of trying to text your creativity. If we're just going best, sharks in games like yeah, no, Echo, the Dolphin Sharks just make sense, so sharks make an equal amount of sense in Donkey Kong Country when you pilot the shark and dodge the sharks.
Speaker 2:Wait okay so shark playable characters.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's go shark. Playable characters Say they made a DFO game, but you had to pick a different kind of sea monster. Would that be a good game?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I was just thinking Bioshock, but you controlled the sharks to do puzzles in the water outside the outside the dome.
Speaker 1:I appreciate shark puzzles I also appreciate just having a shark in smash bros that just swims around and wherever he moves it's just water and jumps out in sharks people well, I mean for for smash bros.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know, like super mar, mario, 3d World had the 3D blocks of moving water. So it'd just be like your shark could be a block of moving water and then it could jump out of the water to attack people. That'd be cool. Yeah, playable shark in Smash Bros, I could see it.
Speaker 1:Although it'd probably just end up being Sharpedo.
Speaker 2:That's a good point. Sharpedo doesn't need water, though he's not a real shark.
Speaker 1:I mean he's a shark and a torpedo fused together. He's about as legitimate as anything on the Sharknado list or Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.
Speaker 2:Fair enough.
Speaker 1:When it comes down to it, it's kind of funny. In real life a large animal is terrifying and it's so hard to translate that to fiction. If you see a bear in real life, it is the most terrifying, harrowing experience you'll ever see. And then Cocaine Bear ends up being the dumbest movie of the year.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Cocaine Bear was pretty stupid.
Speaker 1:I mean, I love the concept Speaking of bears actually. That's a pivot.
Speaker 2:Well, no, just the guy who wrote Watership Down I think it was the next book he wrote it was called Shardik and it was about a mystical bear, wrote was. It was called Shardic and it was about this. It was about a mystical bear that everybody was like worshipping, and I don't really remember much about it, except that it was weird and it was about a bear instead of rabbits, but yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1:I do think this will be a little bit shorter thing because like sure we could go into great white shark versus genetically engineered shark. If a shark had a superhero origin story, what powers would it have and what's actually we're going to do with that one? If a shark had a superhero origin story, what powers would it have and what would its name be? So I'm going to start with the lazy one as an example not my actual entry, but so peter parker.
Speaker 1:The spider descends down to give him the heroic bite, but he slips backwards and falls in a shark tank and the spider bites the shark, creating spider shark who has all the powers of spider-man okay, it is still just a regular shark spider shark is cool.
Speaker 2:Uh, I was kind of thinking more along the lines of uh, it'd be like um terran shark, it'd be like the opposite of aquaman, you'd have tele telepathic powers to control the creatures of the land.
Speaker 1:To control the creatures of the land. Okay, I'd love a terror shark, who was born of a human, like no, it'd be like a land. Their parents would literally have to be like Earthian royalty and a shark to work. Yeah, terror shark's pretty topped here, so I was gonna go a different direction with it.
Speaker 1:It'd be like Ruki Akuchiki was an average Soul Reaper until the Shark's family were about to be killed by Hollows and she transferred her Shinigami powers to the Shark to create the Shark Reaper Just a regular Shark with Soul Reaper powers, yeah, okay. I think we've realized, though, that the less intelligent it is the better. The shark superhero plays Like just a shark in an Iron man costume is amazing.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm also kind of a fan of like Batman Begins, but Batman's a shark when his parents are killed in an alleyway, yeah, and then he gets trained by a league of assassins. Which is amazing, he comes back as a sort of ninja vigilante.
Speaker 1:So here's another random shark question, because I took some random questions and just inserted shark.
Speaker 2:So you're designing an?
Speaker 1:RPG with a shark as a playable character. What class do you make the shark? Rogue, warrior, wizard or mage? Ooh so you feel? Like wizard's the best one, except a shark dressed up like a ninja using sneak attack on people is amazing.
Speaker 2:I was going to say like, uh, wizard wizard seems like the pretty obvious one, but also so, uh, I don't know, shark warrior, that doesn't that's kind of lame. Hmm, yeah, I think I am going to go with the shark wizard, cause I mean the shark in the wizard hat, like, if you're just imagining jeffrey the shark, jeffrey the land shark, uh, with wearing the cute little wizard hat like he's, that's, that's pretty top tier.
Speaker 1:That is pretty top tier. Here's another question if you were a shark in pirate infested waters, how would you protect yourself?
Speaker 2:a shark in pirate infested waters.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're just living your life. You're a shark, and then pirates encroach on your territory. What is your plan of action?
Speaker 2:What is my plan of action?
Speaker 1:Because I love the mental image of a shark pushing expired cannonballs into like underwater geysers so it launches them back up to blow holes in the ship oh yeah, that's a good point. Uh yeah, because sharks would have wonder how deep sharks can go I mean this shark needs to be pretty top tier for my plan to work in all its glory but but no, no, no, no, you need to like.
Speaker 2:The rogue shark just seems kind of like it's the best move, you know, because if you're just like being stealthy going underneath their boat and then just occasionally just tapping it with your tail, you know, until you find a weak spot and crack it open.
Speaker 1:I mean, yes, that's one way to do it, but it's much funnier if they're walking to the mess hall, open the pantry and a shark just jumps out at them and then flops back into the water. It's like what's going, like that's just peak TV. Also the shark barbarian when he throws a spear at it and it just catches it in its mouth and throws it back. But I think we'll wrap up this fishy episode here with some of our more traditional, less shark-themed random questions. All right, so as I pull up the list.
Speaker 2:Just start shouting off awesome names for your pet shark.
Speaker 1:Wait, I got a name for my pet shark.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I gotta name my pet shark.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just transferred you a shark. What are you naming the shark?
Speaker 2:Uh, hmm, spot. Spot's a good name for a shark. I don't know Claude, I like Claude.
Speaker 1:You know I don't know why I also thought of Claude. That's like I'm pretty sure my next pet's probably going to be named Claude. It's just like such a good pet name that's random, but I mean I guess that's. You know, we've been friends for a long time, so I guess we must be oh, speaking of, I wrote another Carl character into a and it's a funny editor's note I got Because you know I'm working on this novel right, and I sent you the rough draft of the Hangman story a while back.
Speaker 1:So, now with a character named Carl in the Hangman story. You know how I'm killing this Carl Peacefully in his sleep of natural causes. No one will ever see that coming. He dies having lived a fulfilled life.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait. The hangman story wasn't the one where he decides to go outside to see whether or not he's dreaming, is it?
Speaker 1:It is so. Instead it's, he dies away. He passes away peacefully in his sleep, having never left.
Speaker 2:Oh Well, I mean, that's a nice way for me to die, I guess.
Speaker 1:It's much more traumatic for the other one who's used to people die, the captain, who's used to people dying in dramatic fashion, watching his friends slowly wither and die due to time. So here's our random question that we received from listeners like you or viewers who are watching the subtitles on YouTube with no audio for some reason. Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 2:I mean, does this person have like a tag name or something, or is this like? Do you mean like, give them a code name?
Speaker 1:Well, the thing is I don't like to dox people right, so like I don't want to ever name drop who gave us the question, but I'm going to go with Claude for the sake of this conversation. Claude Sharktoon.
Speaker 2:What is the weirdest?
Speaker 1:compliment you've ever received that you secretly loved.
Speaker 2:Weirdest compliment you've ever received that you secretly loved, huh Well, I mean, uh, my boss when I first started working there. So first I started at a pizza store in a small town.
Speaker 1:What no way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I had some pizza store experience when I came back to the much larger urban center of Saskatoon. Ironically, it is actually like 10 times larger, no, 20 times larger than the town that I started in, anyways. So he had never worked with me before. He had no idea how, how well I knew the menu and whatnot, uh. So then, uh, making pizzas, and he comes up to his wife, he's like oh, hey, oh, this new guy is pretty fast, hey. And then he just like walks away and it's like that's the closest thing you ever get to a compliment from my boss. They'll just passive, aggressively, tell someone else that you're awesome.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that I'm going to go with a recent one I got, and I don't even think it's a compliment, I just took it as a compliment. So we had a meeting and for an icebreaker. My boss asked everyone what is your favorite fruit? And then Plossin goes and Richard don't fucking say tomato or avocado or olive.
Speaker 1:And I took that as such a compliment that they had to put a disclaimer that I was immediately going to say a non-fruit to answer this question, and they needed to be clear that no, they're not tolerating any of my sass today, so that one's not really a compliment, I just took it as a compliment. I think a weird compliment I got today that I secretly loved was I said something along the lines of we could do this method or I could just do it, and they said, and I quote oh, thank goodness, I was hoping you would say you would just do it, please just do it that is a pretty good compliment.
Speaker 1:Oh, please, just do it, please. I'm like that is absolutely a compliment and that makes me feel happy. Yeah, and I think with that, that is our random questions, that is our shark episode, and I only managed to work in like 10 of the water puns I was working on.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I managed to get the fin joke in there. I managed to get the beach joke in there. I managed to tell you that you bit off more than you can chew. I was trying to figure out how to say hammerhead out the details, so I'm just going to say it at the end I definitely did the whale. I didn't see that coming?
Speaker 2:What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:What's cracking?
Speaker 2:Release your inhibitions. That one's not really a water pun, but yeah, you're pretty sea-salty about it. Oh I am, I'm amazing at my water. Pun Dang it. I lost my flow. Yeah that I lost my flow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's probably my bad. It was rather jaw-dropping of me, but you did finish strong and thank you everyone who's still in this episode for some reason, where it just evolved into complete nonsense at the end. Something Something, books and Patreon you'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:And self-care. Make sure you hydrate.
Speaker 1:And don't kill sharks. No, no, fighting sharks, don't kill sharks. He put his entire life into undoing the sin that sharks are bad Bye. No, they're not allowed to kill sharks. That was the point of this episode.